Sunday, February 13, 2011
Friends or Not
My DH and I "talked" this weekend. He vented his frustrations and I mine. He thinks things have been going downhill the last year or two, that would mean ever since I had the boys. I think it has only been since he was laid off work. He says he can live without sex, he just needs to know. I said his ignoring me in every way and not looking for a job has made me more and more unhappy. He was acting the way he was to get back at me for acting the same way. Childish!!! He says he still loves me and always will. I said this is no way to live life and why should we stay married. He says because we have 2 children to raise. People do it all the time. He said for me to act happy and maybe I will be happy. It is all just so crazy. I will think, research and see if I can find my way back to his being a friend and he will look harder for a job. We did agree to put the house up for sale and rent for a while. We'll see what happens. Right now I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe time will tell.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
25 Months
My boys are 25 months 3 weeks. Alot has changed in the last few months with the boys and with life in general. The boys are getting so big.
Parker weighs 33 lbs and about 3" taller than Jackson who is 28 lbs. Jackson jabbers all the time, while Parker is more quiet. A speech pathologist from the public school in our district has started coming out to our house once a week to work with the boys to teach them how to say some words. She's only been to the house twice, so not much progress yet, but she has determined that Jackson can say about 5-6 words, but Parker only says 1-2. Maybe he's my quiet child.
My husbands older boys, Peter is 21 and Hank will turn 18 in a few days. As they are getting older, they don't visit as often, as they have their own lives and Hank will be going off to college this fall. He hasn't decided where yet but would like to study Structural Engineering, like his grandfather.
My husband was laid off work the 1st of July after 24 years at the same company. He did get severence, and stays home with the boys. He hasn't really tried to look for another job which has made me start to resent him. He gets seasonal effective disorder syndrome during the winter, especially now that he is home all day. He has anit-depressants to help lighten his mood, but he only takes them when he feels the need which doesn't help. Our finances are suffering, his mood is rotten most of the time and he retreats to the computer after dinner. Our relationship is suffering and this is the most unhappy I've been in our marriage in almost 8 years. I drink wine most evenings to lessen the pain of a misserable marriage. We don't go anywhere, have any close friends and what I can see for a future is very bleak. I have considered marriage counceling, but we can't afford that on my salary alone. I hate to think we are destined for divorce, because I thought we would grow old together. He used to be my best friend, but since he won't talk to me, I don't have many feelings for him right now.
Since I've been worrying about this, I don't eat much and have lost 10 lbs in the last 2 months, but I also have been taking pilates classes twice a week, so that has contributed to some of the weight loss. I'm glad to loose the weight, as I've been trying to get rid of the last baby weight for some time.
Right now I'm very scared of what the future holds.
Parker weighs 33 lbs and about 3" taller than Jackson who is 28 lbs. Jackson jabbers all the time, while Parker is more quiet. A speech pathologist from the public school in our district has started coming out to our house once a week to work with the boys to teach them how to say some words. She's only been to the house twice, so not much progress yet, but she has determined that Jackson can say about 5-6 words, but Parker only says 1-2. Maybe he's my quiet child.
My husbands older boys, Peter is 21 and Hank will turn 18 in a few days. As they are getting older, they don't visit as often, as they have their own lives and Hank will be going off to college this fall. He hasn't decided where yet but would like to study Structural Engineering, like his grandfather.
My husband was laid off work the 1st of July after 24 years at the same company. He did get severence, and stays home with the boys. He hasn't really tried to look for another job which has made me start to resent him. He gets seasonal effective disorder syndrome during the winter, especially now that he is home all day. He has anit-depressants to help lighten his mood, but he only takes them when he feels the need which doesn't help. Our finances are suffering, his mood is rotten most of the time and he retreats to the computer after dinner. Our relationship is suffering and this is the most unhappy I've been in our marriage in almost 8 years. I drink wine most evenings to lessen the pain of a misserable marriage. We don't go anywhere, have any close friends and what I can see for a future is very bleak. I have considered marriage counceling, but we can't afford that on my salary alone. I hate to think we are destined for divorce, because I thought we would grow old together. He used to be my best friend, but since he won't talk to me, I don't have many feelings for him right now.
Since I've been worrying about this, I don't eat much and have lost 10 lbs in the last 2 months, but I also have been taking pilates classes twice a week, so that has contributed to some of the weight loss. I'm glad to loose the weight, as I've been trying to get rid of the last baby weight for some time.
Right now I'm very scared of what the future holds.
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